So I’ve been really busy in the last few weeks with dance, work, and school work so I haven’t written in a while. Well, that’s one of the reasons. The main one is that this is supposed to be a blog about guys and all of that, but I am currently taking the “I don’t need men” approach to life and so it’s pretty safe to say there’s no guys to write about. I was doing good on that front until about…Thursday. I went to the bar with my friend Andrea and we met my friend Dave there since we hadn’t seen him in so long. He was kinda looking at me weird all night (he was really drunk, I was not) but I thought nothing of it. A few drinks later, he came over and told me he had a dream about me and that when he woke up he wanted to call me, but he didn’t because… he has a girlfriend. So we left the bar and Dave is in no condition to drive so he left with his friend Ben to try and get another drink and Andrea and I told him to call one of us if he needed a ride home or a couch to sleep on. Well as soon as the lights went off and I put my head on the pillow, Dave calls asking if he can sleep on the couch because Andrea doesn’t have a car on campus to drive him back to get his car the next day. So he ended up staying at my place and he wanted to keep drinking so we went in my basement to grab a drink and ended up talking about what happened between us. He told me he had feelings for me but ignored them because he didn’t think I liked him and all this stuff. So basically he said that since I didn’t want to tell anyone about us he thought I wasn’t interested and now it’s too late. What’s a girl to do? I always said I wanted my life to be like a rom com or a Nicholas Sparks book, but this is just too freaky. Two people that clearly are attracted to each other, and one doesn’t know how the other feels so they get in a relationship and then the people can’t be together for another 20 years. I’ll keep up to date on the impending situation. xoxo.
Since I’ve decided to focus my energy on things other than men I’m going to try to read more while I’m here at school. Here is my list of books I’d like to read. Comment with books you’ve read or that are on your list so I can add to mine :)
Uganda be Kidding Me – Chelsea Handler
Are you there vodka, it’s me Chelsea – Chelsea Handler
Bossy pants – Tina Fey
Then came you – Jennifer Weiner
My week with Marilyn
50 Shades (second and third books)
An astronauts guide to life on earth
Cassidy Lane – Maria Murnane
Angel – Mary Kingsley
I’ve personally had my share of creepy/ strange gentlemen callers in my day with very little to be said about the type of guy that shows affection in a normal way. Most of the time when someone “likes” me they are really pretending to see how long it takes them to get in my pants before they have to stop being nice to me. With that being said, I’ve had this guy Ben texting me for the last three weeks or so since we sat next to each other at the bar where one of my friends bar tends on Sunday nights (the fact that I go to the bar on Sunday nights is another story for another day!) Ben was constantly complimenting me and asking to hang out so I got the idea that he liked me, but since he never said it I didn’t want to be one to assume things and make myself look like an ass. Because I have this policy, I didn’t want to tell him that I did not reciprocate his feelings toward me and that I wanted to be ‘just friends’. So earlier this week he asked me if I’d go to dinner with him and being the awkward person that I am, said yes, but planned to just have him come hang out with the rest of my friends when the time came. He ended up coming over Thursday night because we had a few girl friends over to watch tv and gossip and one of my guy friends (who knows Ben) joined us later on in the night which was perfect for me to avoid being alone with Ben. My plan was going smoothly, until about 2am when my guy friend went home and Ben did not follow. This left me and him alone because I was still up doing homework and couldn’t escape to my bed right away. When I was done with my homework I tried to quickly clean up and get to bed as soon as possible but he pulled me on top of him and basically forced a make out sess upon me (not in a rapey way… just not what I wanted). After a few minutes of trying to convince him to stop hugging and kissing me and telling him to leave, he reluctantly left, but also not before asking to sleep over… that was a clear no.
So Friday came around (yesterday) and he texted me somewhere around mid-afternoon and I gave him plain answers and there was a silence between us for a couple of hours. He texted later in the night to ask where I was going and what my plan was so I told him I’d be at the bar we go to across the street from school because he’d probably show up there anyways and at least at the bar there would be witnesses. I ran into my old RA and spent some time talking to him while Ben stared creepily across the bar without coming over like a normal person would. He kept asking my friends if he had done something wrong, and he had. I wouldn’t expect my friends to get in the middle of this, so I’m glad they didn’t tell them I was angry that he basically gave me no choice but to kiss him, but what made me mad was that he asked everyone except me. I would hope that if someone had feelings for me they’d see I was upset or acting weird and come up to me and talk. He did not do this. He also waited until I left the bar and at about 2:30 this morning he texted me asking if he did something wrong. I had no choice but to tell him the truth, that I do not have feelings for him the way he has feelings for me and I did it as nicely as possible because he has been nice to me and up until our kiss I had no problems with him except that I did not think of him as more than a friend. Maybe I should have said something sooner, but I also wasn’t leading him on. I purposely didn’t go on a date with him because I knew it would give him the wrong idea, but you also shouldn’t force someone to kiss you, especially if they’re giving no indication that they want to kiss you. Anyways, after I sent this nicely worded let down text, I got no answer. Today when I woke up I had no answer. As I sit here, I still have no answer. I mean I guess I wouldn’t have much to say if someone as great as me broke my heart (ha! I’m kidding) but it would be nice of him to respond saying okay I understand thank you for telling me the truth. The point to the story: ladies always tell the truth right away if you don’t like someone, and men, don’t force girls to kiss you and then stare at them at the bar while they talk to their friends.
Something happened last week with a friend of mine, and I can’t go into details about it but it has me thinking. Sometimes I don’t stop and think about what’s important in my life and how lucky I am to have the people I have and the love and support they provide me. My friend is going through a really hard time right now and it just made me thankful for her and all of my other friends I have made here at school and my best friends at home who I love so so much. The reality that everyone has their own struggles and battles they fight every day hit me hard in the last few days and I am just trying to take time to stop and think about all of the things that I have to live for and all of the people that are here to support me and love me no matter what steps or missteps I take in life. I challenge everyone to do the same over the next few days and I hope it’ll really put things into perspective for you like it did for me. Remember…. you’re beautiful and this life is beautiful. XOXO.
This week is going to be my third week of my senior year and all I can say is so far, so good.Last year I had some roommate drama and ended up moving out of my previous house and into this new one with two girls I am on dance team with. So far I can already tell that I am much happier than I was last year combined and senior year is off to a good start. This weekend we had a football game against our “cross town rival” school and we actually won, to everyone’s surprise so I was excited. Saturday there was a senior BBQ so we stopped by for some free food and a mini golf course. We’ve obviously been drinking a lot… because hello! it’s senior year! I already have some random creeper stories of guys hitting on me in the weirdest ways you can possibly think of.. and my guy friends have a friend who has a random fascination/ crush on me. Dance team and my work study start this week and I am excited and nervous to get back into the swing of actually being busy throughout the year. I just wanted to share because I would like to keep my blog updated this year, and also because compared to last year, I am much happier and am enjoying being here instead of being home every weekend wasting my year away. I’m going to add some pictures from this year so far, even though most of them are “wall of shame” worthy… which is actually going to be going up in our house soon! I’m really excited to see what this year has in store and so far it’s up their in the top rankings as best year yet.
So I’m sure a lot of you have heard of the Ice Bucket challenge to raise money and awareness for ALS, but if not you can watch the video here. I got challenged last night by a friend from school and made a video tonight (because I hadn’t been on facebook until today). I would like to share the video with you guys and hopefully I can help raise awareness through my small foundation of readers. I have also chosen to donate along with the ice bucket challenge and I have a link to the ALS Association so you can donate too if you’re up for the challenge!
see my video here!
and you can donate to ALS right here :)
So considering I’m starting my senior year in college in just a few weeks (omg!) I’m going to start a bucket list for my final hoorah before entering the real world and continue to add. Some of my posts will probably be about the things I’m doing at school for those of you (few) readers who care and read.. haha. But anyways…
Big E 9/27, 2/28
Apple/ Pumpkin picking
bake apple pies & pumpkin seeds
Throw/attend a Halloween party
Have a “family dinner”
host a dance team party/ sleepover
Dance at a basketball game
Go to a hockey game
breast cancer walk/ fund raiser
have a snow ball fight
take a picture in front of Paddy’s (my college bar)
fill up the wall of shame
take a “family” photo
ugly sweater party
So we finally made it to the end of Andi’s journey last night as it was down to her final two in the Dominican Republic and single girls everywhere were routing for #TeamJosh! As a member of team Josh, I had my mouth open for about an hour and a half straight just waiting to see who would get the boot. When Andi had her two dates, it was clear that something had clicked with Josh in the last few weeks since he told her that he loved her and it was something that I did not personally hate. I think the connection between the two of them is just sexy and fun and I was so excited to see that date. Nick’s date on the other hand, I think I got up to pee and get snacks and probably tweet about how much I love Josh because he just creeps me out.
Obviously I had a reason to be sketched by him because his stalking continued after Andi sent him home and she did not want to see him until absolutely necessary. No doubt in my mind, Andi predicted what Nick’s reaction was going to be to being sent home before proposals and being denied the marriage he was basically already dressed for. During the Final Rose special he called her out on the two of them sleeping together (ick Andi!) and was not a gentlemen about it at all, unlike Mr. Farmer Chris who went home with total dignity, grace, and remained polite to Andi even while she was putting him in the car to leave. When she knocked on Nick’s door, I honestly thought she was going to say that she needed to see him because it had been so long and that she missed him because he was a front runner the entire season and I almost would have put money on her picking Nick. Surprisingly, and happily, however… after a cute speech by Josh and what I thought was going to be another break up from Andi, she confessed her love for him and he planted that gorgeous ring on her finger. I can see them being a real couple (and sneaking over to each other’s houses before the finale aired) and being happily in love for years and years, and I wish Ms. Andi the best because she’s a bad bitch who got an ex athlete to commit to a long term relationship! Good for you girl! Please share your thoughts on the season or the finale in the comments!
I wrote this blog post a few months ago on another blog page and have decided to update and repost here because it unfortunately has become relevant again and this problem is a reoccurring one in my life.
As I was sitting in class a few months ago kinda-sorta listening to my professor talk about the planets and how long they take to revolve around the sun, I realized I was in the midst of a Carrie Bradshaw moment minus the expensive shoes and perfectly scripted friends. I have surrounded myself with men in the last few months, who seem so sweet and caring and just when I start to think he could be my next boyfriend… Boom! So without further introduction, my unfortunate epiphany.
This little moment of truth that I discovered caused me to think, why do guys think it’s okay to just stop talking to someone when they decide they don’t like them anymore? And why do they think that I don’t deserve an explanation or apology? But my year continues to follow this pattern:
To begin first semester of my junior year I had been texting a guy who I knew from back home who was friends with my ex. Sticky I know. But it was unplanned and we hit it off, so I decided to go for it. Things were going great between us and I started to go home almost every weekend because of a feud with my house mates, so we started hanging out more and more. When we finally kissed for the first time I was on cloud nine and I was never planning to come back. At the end of November we went on the cutest date ever to a little theme park in my town and we walked around, flirted and kissed all night. We walked up to this gazebo on a hill overlooking part of the park and he just kissed me and I think that was the most romantic moment of my life, I’ll never forget that. But obviously around Christmas time things took a turn for the worst. We met up on Christmas at night after I had worked and he spent the day with his family and he came to a friend’s family party with me and it was great. We ended up back at his house and we ya know, hooked up.. but I told him I wasn’t ready to have sex with him yet, and I thought he took it well but I think I was wrong. The next day we ended up getting in a huge fight and he said some really mean things and we’ve only talked once since and I never got an apology. I got over it eventually, but I still miss him some times, but I also think I miss what we had, and what I thought he represented.
So fast forward about a month after that. I’d been “talking” (I really hate saying that but…) to a guy I met on tinder who lives near me at home, and I’m two hours away at school so we hadn’t actually gone out yet. We had plans a couple different times which he ended up ditching me for every single time, including our post valentines day date (he got mad I wouldn’t go out with him on Valentine’s Day…too cliché for me). Finally he started to ignore me for a few days straight after begging me to give him another chance and to stick around because he liked me a lot and it would be worth it. Sure buddy.
The entire time I was texting him he kept fighting with me because of my friend Dave and he thought Dave wanted to hook up with me even though I did not return the feelings even if that was how Dave was feeling. After things ended with him I actually did end up hooking up with Dave a few times and no one in my friend group knows for many reasons. I left college for the summer in May and he told me any time I was back up to visit to let him know so we could get it on. So romantic, but whatever. Then a few weeks later my friend informs me that she had sex with Dave after a bar escaped while visiting for the weekend. When I confronted him about it, he said it was going to be okay because no one knows about him and I so it should just be fine.
Okay. I eventually start forgetting about Dave hooking up with my friend. My friends and I go out in Boston, which I’ve written about and surprise, surprise I meet a new guy. Chris. We spent about three weeks texting and talking about hanging out before it actually happened. He drove down here because he’s about two hours away and we went out for drinks. It went well (I thought) and the conversation never once came to a screeching awkward halt. He was charming, cute and most importantly, tall. He pulls into my drive way and there’s an awkward hug/kiss/neither one and I said something witty and walked back into my house. He texted me to tell me he was home safe because I made him and then, I never hear from him again. Two ignored texts later and I give up and I officially deleted his number and have started to hate him and wish a nasty STD upon him.
So anyways getting back to my point, I’m sitting in class that day and I remember the episode of SATC where Carrie bitches out Berger’s friend in a club because she got broken up with via post-it note. And here I am, finding myself in almost the same boat. Except I didn’t even get a post-it, phone call or text message… I just get ignored every time. No apologies where deserved, no goodbye, no explanations… nothing. Every time I tell myself I deserve better, and every time I don’t get it no matter how hard I try. But really the better I deserve isn’t even justice through a text, what I deserve is someone who would jump over the moon for me twice if I needed him to because I would do that for someone I cared about. Getting ignored for no visible reason is a thing of the past I hope and maybe I’ll start going for guys that care more than not answering me after the first date, or in Carrie’s case, breaking up with her via post-it note. There’s a right way to break it off with someone and so far I haven’t met one guy that knows that that is.
If I can speak for most of the single girls on the planet, which I personally think I can… I’d like to just speak for all of us when I say… I HATE when people say “it’s his loss” after someone dumps you or stops answering you randomly.
I’ll admit that this does happen to me frequently, and almost every time it happens I have one of my friends that are happy in a relationship texting me saying “it’s his loss, you’re smart, funny and beautiful and he doesn’t know what he’s missing.” Well here’s a thought. If it was his loss, and I was all of those things, why would he stop talking to me in the first place? I mean “his loss” would be if I stopped talking to him randomly and he spent days trying to figure out what HE did wrong, not the opposite.
It’s not his loss because I’m the one laying in bed at night wondering what happened during the date that made him never want to speak to me again, or what I said to make him think I’m a complete weirdo. I mean I guess it could be his loss, because in my opinion I would make a pretty good girlfriend, or even just a good girl to take on a second date. How do you even know you hate me that much just by going on one date? I guess in that way it is his loss, but in every other aspect, I believe it is mine. You’d think that someone that all of my friends think is at a loss because they no longer have me in their life would want to keep me in their life… that makes sense, right?
It’s my loss (this time) because I spent about 4 hours on a Friday night with someone who clearly is not interested, and couldn’t eat for about three days because I was so nervous before the date, and then so upset after that my eating habits took a dive for the worst, and those closest to me know that food is my first love. It’s also my loss because I thought once again that he could be different or the one, and it’s definitely my loss because I believed him when he said that he was a nice guy and not one of the normal douche bags I normally waste time on. Normally when they say that, you can assume they’re the biggest douche you know, but thats a blog for another day. So I guess what I’m really trying to say here, long story short… to all you friends out there, that have found the sweetest guy out there with friends that chronically like assholes like it’s their job.. please never use the phrase “it’s his loss” because if that were true, we’d all be going on second dates.