I wrote this blog post a few months ago on another blog page and have decided to update and repost here because it unfortunately has become relevant again and this problem is a reoccurring one in my life.
As I was sitting in class a few months ago kinda-sorta listening to my professor talk about the planets and how long they take to revolve around the sun, I realized I was in the midst of a Carrie Bradshaw moment minus the expensive shoes and perfectly scripted friends. I have surrounded myself with men in the last few months, who seem so sweet and caring and just when I start to think he could be my next boyfriend… Boom! So without further introduction, my unfortunate epiphany.
This little moment of truth that I discovered caused me to think, why do guys think it’s okay to just stop talking to someone when they decide they don’t like them anymore? And why do they think that I don’t deserve an explanation or apology? But my year continues to follow this pattern:
To begin first semester of my junior year I had been texting a guy who I knew from back home who was friends with my ex. Sticky I know. But it was unplanned and we hit it off, so I decided to go for it. Things were going great between us and I started to go home almost every weekend because of a feud with my house mates, so we started hanging out more and more. When we finally kissed for the first time I was on cloud nine and I was never planning to come back. At the end of November we went on the cutest date ever to a little theme park in my town and we walked around, flirted and kissed all night. We walked up to this gazebo on a hill overlooking part of the park and he just kissed me and I think that was the most romantic moment of my life, I’ll never forget that. But obviously around Christmas time things took a turn for the worst. We met up on Christmas at night after I had worked and he spent the day with his family and he came to a friend’s family party with me and it was great. We ended up back at his house and we ya know, hooked up.. but I told him I wasn’t ready to have sex with him yet, and I thought he took it well but I think I was wrong. The next day we ended up getting in a huge fight and he said some really mean things and we’ve only talked once since and I never got an apology. I got over it eventually, but I still miss him some times, but I also think I miss what we had, and what I thought he represented.
So fast forward about a month after that. I’d been “talking” (I really hate saying that but…) to a guy I met on tinder who lives near me at home, and I’m two hours away at school so we hadn’t actually gone out yet. We had plans a couple different times which he ended up ditching me for every single time, including our post valentines day date (he got mad I wouldn’t go out with him on Valentine’s Day…too cliché for me). Finally he started to ignore me for a few days straight after begging me to give him another chance and to stick around because he liked me a lot and it would be worth it. Sure buddy.
The entire time I was texting him he kept fighting with me because of my friend Dave and he thought Dave wanted to hook up with me even though I did not return the feelings even if that was how Dave was feeling. After things ended with him I actually did end up hooking up with Dave a few times and no one in my friend group knows for many reasons. I left college for the summer in May and he told me any time I was back up to visit to let him know so we could get it on. So romantic, but whatever. Then a few weeks later my friend informs me that she had sex with Dave after a bar escaped while visiting for the weekend. When I confronted him about it, he said it was going to be okay because no one knows about him and I so it should just be fine.
Okay. I eventually start forgetting about Dave hooking up with my friend. My friends and I go out in Boston, which I’ve written about and surprise, surprise I meet a new guy. Chris. We spent about three weeks texting and talking about hanging out before it actually happened. He drove down here because he’s about two hours away and we went out for drinks. It went well (I thought) and the conversation never once came to a screeching awkward halt. He was charming, cute and most importantly, tall. He pulls into my drive way and there’s an awkward hug/kiss/neither one and I said something witty and walked back into my house. He texted me to tell me he was home safe because I made him and then, I never hear from him again. Two ignored texts later and I give up and I officially deleted his number and have started to hate him and wish a nasty STD upon him.
So anyways getting back to my point, I’m sitting in class that day and I remember the episode of SATC where Carrie bitches out Berger’s friend in a club because she got broken up with via post-it note. And here I am, finding myself in almost the same boat. Except I didn’t even get a post-it, phone call or text message… I just get ignored every time. No apologies where deserved, no goodbye, no explanations… nothing. Every time I tell myself I deserve better, and every time I don’t get it no matter how hard I try. But really the better I deserve isn’t even justice through a text, what I deserve is someone who would jump over the moon for me twice if I needed him to because I would do that for someone I cared about. Getting ignored for no visible reason is a thing of the past I hope and maybe I’ll start going for guys that care more than not answering me after the first date, or in Carrie’s case, breaking up with her via post-it note. There’s a right way to break it off with someone and so far I haven’t met one guy that knows that that is.