Uncategorized

Starting my Year of You Journey

For those of you asking yourselves “what is Year of You”?  I have your answer. It’s really about bettering yourself and making what you need to be. Year of You was started by a youtuber named Marissa Lacer, or “MarissaLace” on youtube when she was going through a bad breakup and she felt she had lost herself in 2015. In 2016 she really focused on herself and what she needed and encouraged her followers to do the same.

At the beginning of 2016, I was a personal sales business owner and was convinced that it was finally going to be ‘my year’. I was finally going to make some money and build my savings, I was going to get great grades, get skinny, and maybe even find love. For a while, I was making good money in my business and was doing well for myself (except for the fact that I know nothing about managing money and running a business), I did have a health kick that last a whole week, and I thought I did- or had the potential to find love.

Eventually, I hit a wall with my business and now looking back about a year ago, I was suffering from anxiety and I let it get the better of my and my business and by summer 2016 I was inactive with the company. Anxiety also got the better of me with my school work and I found myself not being able to focus in school and shutting down every time I had a large assignment due. This caused me to end up on academic probation and would cause further damage down the road.

I started dating during the winter of 2016 and had been going on different dates with a few unspecial guys. One guy in particular seemed to stand out to me and we started spending more and more time together. Eventually a couple of unspecial guys turned into one special guy and I was falling fast. We dated for a few weeks until he finally told me he had been calling me his girlfriend to his friends and I was shocked. That had never happened to me, and I was enamored. We were together practically every minute that we weren’t working or when I wasn’t in school. We met each other’s friends and parents and things seemed good – until they weren’t. One day he brought up over text that he would be too busy in the fall and wouldn’t really have time to see me. I argued that I also would be busy but we could carve out time to see each other at least once a week, as I have weekends off. He insisted and that was the end. I was so broken over this quick little relationship I had, but for the first time in basically forever I had someone that cared about me and called me beautiful and wanted to spend all of his time with me. I realized after we broke up that I completely lost myself because I boy decided he didn’t want to date me anymore and I absolutely hated that. I don’t want to be the girl that falls apart because of a boy, yes it happens, and yes it’s okay, but to lose myself and feel so down on myself because of it scared the sh** out of me. So at the beginning of 2017 I got a sign and Marissa started a facebook group for other girls that also wanted to change their lives and focus on them. The posts have been uplifting and have inspired me to be the best version of myself.

I’m not going to lie. I think 2016 was the worst year of my life.2017 hasn’t actually started off too great either but I’ve found a supportive group of people through Marissa’s Year of you movement and I’m taking time for myself and focusing on myself and it’s exactly what I need right now. More year of you posts to come – let me know what you think!

xox Erica

 

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Misc, Uncategorized

Letter to a Lost Friend

For so long I had you on my side and you were a person that I could run to for any reason at any time. Through one of the hardest years of my life, you were there and in return I was there for you. I always had your back and almost every time I looked behind me, you had mine too. Having you on my side sometimes felt like I could conquer anything or anyone. I don’t think you know how it felt to have you as a person that I could always call and cry to, because I didn’t know until it was gone.

I understand that life takes us many place and sometimes we can’t always take all of our belongings with us. I understand that sometimes having less real friends is better than having several fake ones. I understand that maybe our journeys may have taken us elsewhere in this life, but I always wanted you to come with me. I always wanted to have you on my team and I wanted to root for you in your accomplishments and be by your side for the failures. I wanted you standing next to me at my wedding, laughing and joking about the times when I said I’d never find love. My hope was to celebrate graduation and our accomplishments together, leaving college with a friendship stronger than before. We left our bubble and saw new things and met new people, and I had hoped that our paths would cross again. I looked forward to the days when we would be reunited on your porch, having late night heart to hearts that I could only have with you. You really knew what it looked like from my shoes.

Maybe my friendship was too much for you, I wonder. Maybe I took more from you than you did from me. I can’t help but think that I drove you away, maybe I was too needy. Anyway, if that’s the case, I’d like to say sorry. I’m sorry I kept taking from you. I’m sorry if you felt that this was a one way street and I was gaining more than you. I want you to know that I was behind you 100% and always on your side. I’m sorry if I didn’t make this clear to you through my actions and words. I’d like to think that maybe I didn’t drive you away, but this was a growing process and I just didn’t make the cut. I’d take that over screwing up our friendship any day. I’d like to thank you for our time together and I hope that someday life brings us together again.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss you, and on occasion want to pick up the phone and call you. I’d like you to know that wherever you may be, one day, when the urge hits you to call me to say hello, how are you that you are more than welcome. To me, it’s not about the time that passes, but the strength of the friendship. There are not many people in my life who I regret losing, but you really are one of them. The loss of you as a friend has impacted me greater than I ever could have imagined, and I want you to know that you are welcome back in my life whenever you need me.

Misc, Uncategorized

2015;

2015 was a great year over all and I have a lot to be thankful as I get ready to enter 2016. I had a great senior year as a prepared to leave my second home at my small little university where I made life long friendships. Along with many crazy experiences during senior year, I got to take a cruise with some of my best friends for spring break and saw lovely islands I’ve never experienced before and had such a great time! Senior week was filled with booze, friends, and memories. I couldn’t have asked for a better ending to my college career.

This summer also brought change to my family. My oldest cousin got married this summer and her brother is expecting a baby with his wife in the spring. My younger cousin is starting college and her older brother is graduating from college this year. I can’t wait to see what this year does for my family as well.

After much struggle and tribulation, I was accepted to all three of the grad schools I applied to and chose a small little school just for psychology just a little south of Boston. I’m so happy there and met a great group of friends that have been a great support to me through the first steps of this journey. Through school I got an internship working with kids at an in home therapy agency that I love and am gaining first-hand experience at.

I’ve had my heart broken and learned lessons and I’m grateful for all of it. 2016 will bring me one year closer to achieving my dreams and will hopefully also bring positive change for me. I’m hoping to get out of my comfort zone a little bit this year and maybe make some changes for myself. Maybe even keep up with this blog!

I can’t wait to see what happens in 2016!

Misc, Uncategorized

Hey guys!

Just wanted to say hi and give a quick update about things going on here, and I’ve been writing down ideas for blogs all summer so after this I’m hoping to jump back into ‘single girl problem’ blogs again! I just got a computer today so I’m hoping to start writing more often than I was, which was basically never, so I’m sorry about that if you actually like reading what I have to say.

Just a quick update on me though, I’ll be starting grad school in the fall (like two weeks from now) and I’ve been working at a behavioral school this entire summer and it’s interesting to say the least. But with that being said, there’s some stuff I’ll be writing about later having to do with some male co workers of mine.. but more on that later. Can’t wait to get you guys some new blogs soon! xoxo

College, Fun!

Spring break, grad school and comencement…. oh my!

I’ve been a little behind on blogging lately but life has been crazy. In March I went on a cruise with three of my girl friends for spring break and it was the best week of my life. Friday morning bright and early we got up and caught our flight to Miami where we stayed the night so we could be warm for one extra day and not have to worry about traveling the day of embarkation. So we got on the boat nice and early on Saturday afternoon which was nice because we could relax and getting on was nice and quick, which I liked. We spent the day drinking (obviously) and meeting new people and to be honest I couldn’t tell you exactly what else we did. Sunday was a day at sea so we sat in the sun (I sat in the shade) for the day and relaxed. Monday we were in Cozumel where we did a tequila tasting at Jose Cuervo where we were drinking margaritas by 9:30 am Mexico time! That night was interesting to say the least. Tuesday we were in Belize where we took an hour and a half bus ride where our guide gave us facts about Belize while we drove. Once to our excursion spot, we hiked a little to a river and to a cave where we did cave tubing and then we got out and went zip lining which was really fun.  Wednesday we were in Honduras where we were taken to a private beach and we rode horses and then got to enjoy the beach for two hours. It was overcast but we enjoyed taking pictures. We were taken back to the main beach because the boat left late that night so we had several hours to enjoy the excitement of that. We ran into a group of guys we had met the day before so we hung out in the water with them until it was time to get back on the boat and get ready for dinner. Thursday we were in Costa Maya Mexico where we did our touristy shopping and hung out by Senor Frogs for the day. Friday was a day at sea and then we were sadly back home Saturday night but I had the best week ever and we were all really sad to have to go 😦

On a less fun note, I am still in the process (I know I’m late) of applying to graduate schools and getting a start on my life as a big girl. I got a call about training for a job in my field that I interviewed for, so I’m assuming I got it, but they didn’t formally offer me the position. I’m going to try to work another job too for extra money so I’m working on that too, I also went to go pick up my cap and gown and graduation today and we filled out a thousand surveys and I’m officially sad. I can remember so clearly my first day of college where they sat us all down and gave us a cap to represent our time at my school and told us that before we knew it we’d graduating and I really had no idea how fast that time would come. Now it’s here and I cannot believe that I am going to be a college graduate. Time moves so fast and I’m trying to take advantage of these last months as we make our transition into adulthood slowly. This semester has gone by pretty quickly and I can’t believe it! More senior stuff soon, formal is Friday night so I’ll try to post pictures and write a little bit about that too, until then xoxo Erica

Boys

Why are you single?

I constantly have people ask me why I’m single. Not only just people, but men. A guy will ask “you’re smart, funny and attractive, so why are you single?” The problem is… I have no clue why. In my own eyes, I am smart and I have been told by almost everyone I’ve ever come into contact with that I’m funny as well and I never seem to have a problem with keeping and being around my guy friends. I personally like to be around guys almost more than I like to be around my girl friends because guys are just much simpler and laid back sometimes. For some reason though, when I’m flirting with a guy it never lasts longer than a few months max. They’ll tell me nice things, and show up once or twice to hang out and meet my friends, and then all of a sudden they’re gone with no explanation. I have never had an honest to goodness relationship before so I couldn’t tell you what type of girlfriend I am, but I can tell you what kind of girl I am, and what kind of girlfriend I would be. I’m laid back and it takes a lot to make me mad most of the time. I don’t pick fights to start drama, or follow you to the bar to make sure it actually is a “guy’s night”. All I really want from a guy is a best friend. I want a guy to be there for me and share all of his secrets with me and listen to what I have to say at the end of the day and hold my hand through it. When I see my friend’s relationships, I’m not jealous that they have someone and I don’t and I’m happy for them, but I just want what some of them have. I want to know why guys can ask me over and over why I’m single because I’m great and this and that, but not one guy that I’ve talked to and showed an interest in sticks around long enough to find out that I’m a good person and worth their time. I get written off over and over and I don’t know why. I don’t understand how someone can go from telling you how beautiful you are one day and texting you just to say hi for a month straight, and then all of a sudden they’ve lost interest and you are no longer someone they care to go out of their way for. So this, ladies and especially gentlemen… is why I’m single and probably why I’ll be single for the foreseeable future.

Uncategorized

Thankfulness

Since yesterday was Thanksgiving, I was doing some thinking about the people and things I’m thankful for this year even though I’m thankful everyday. First of all, I’m thankful for my parents and all of their support through my life. They have always been the most supportive people I know and they just want me to do the best I can do and be happy with the choices I make and the directions I go and that’s all I can ask. I’m happy they continue to support me every now and then when it comes to being away at school and not being able to afford everything on my own, because it’s such a generous thing for them to do for me even when I live on my own at school. I’m also happy for their good health, because last year we found out my mom had breast cancer and she has beat it, and also spent time in the hospital this summer and had surgery on her colon and I’m grateful that today she is doing well and her health seems to be in a better spot now. I could also not be thankful enough for my friends because they are the best I could ask for. Most of my friends from home have been my friend since elementary and middle school and that in itself is something to be happy about, but I am also happy that my friendships with them today are still strong and we always pick up where we left off, even if I don’t talk to them for days or weeks at a time. My friends I have made away at school are also the best because I have gotten so close to them since last year when I had a bad experience with roommate drama and they gave me a place to go when I felt uncomfortable being in my own house. I have also made so many new friendships within the last year with people I now call some of my best friends. The friends I have from my freshman year of college are still some of the best friends I have made during my college career and I’m so happy I have kept in touch with them despite what happened with my roommates last year. This time of the year I especially like to stop and think about the things I have in my life to be happy about because this is when people start asking for gifts and forgetting what’s important, myself included. Not only that, but it’s a good time to reflect on the year I have had, and I think so far 2014 may have been one of the best years of my life, despite all of the drama I went through last semester, it taught me important lessons about life and friendships and how to be a more positive person. I hope going in to 2015 is just as successful, and I wish everyone a happy holiday and an even happier new year. Feel free to tell me what you’re thankful for! ❤

Bucket List

Books!

Since I’ve decided to focus my energy on things other than men I’m going to try to read more while I’m here at school. Here is my list of books I’d like to read. Comment with books you’ve read or that are on your list so I can add to mine 🙂

  • Are you there vodka, it’s me Chelsea- Chelsea Handler
  • Chelsea Handler- Uganda be kidding me
  • Bossy pants -Tina Fey
  • Beautiful Ruins- Jess Walter
  • Then came you -Jennifer Weiner
  • My week with Marilyn
  • 50 Shades (second and third books)
  • An astronauts guide to life on earth
  • Cassidy Lane – Maria Murnane
  • Angel – Mary Kingsley
  • Brooklyn- Colm Toibin
  • The light between oceans- M.L Stedman
  • Where’d you go, Bernadette? -Maria Semple
  • Nineteen minutes- Jodi Picoult
  • Leaving time- Jodi Picoult
  • Goldfinch- Donna Tartt
Boys

Creepy guys

I’ve personally had my share of creepy/ strange gentlemen callers in my day with very little to be said about the type of guy that shows affection in a normal way. Most of the time when someone “likes” me they are really pretending to see how long it takes them to get in my pants before they have to stop being nice to me. With that being said, I’ve had this guy Ben texting me for the last three weeks or so since we sat next to each other at the bar where one of my friends bar tends on Sunday nights (the fact that I go to the bar on Sunday nights is another story for another day!) Ben was constantly complimenting me and asking to hang out so I got the idea that he liked me, but since he never said it I didn’t want to be one to assume things and make myself look like an ass. Because I have this policy, I didn’t want to tell him that I did not reciprocate his feelings toward me and that I wanted to be ‘just friends’. So earlier this week he asked me if I’d go to dinner with him and being the awkward person that I am, said yes, but planned to just have him come hang out with the rest of my friends when the time came. He ended up coming over Thursday night because we had a few girl friends over to watch tv and gossip and one of my guy friends (who knows Ben) joined us later on in the night which was perfect for me to avoid being alone with Ben. My plan was going smoothly, until about 2am when my guy friend went home and Ben did not follow. This left me and him alone because I was still up doing homework and couldn’t escape to my bed right away. When I was done with my homework I tried to quickly clean up and get to bed as soon as possible but he pulled me on top of him and basically forced a make out sess upon me (not in a rapey way… just not what I wanted). After a few minutes of trying to convince him to stop hugging and kissing me and telling him to leave, he reluctantly left, but also not before asking to sleep over… that was a clear no.

So Friday came around (yesterday) and he texted me somewhere around mid-afternoon and I gave him plain answers and there was a silence between us for a couple of hours. He texted later in the night to ask where I was going and what my plan was so I told him I’d be at the bar we go to across the street from school because he’d probably show up there anyways and at least at the bar there would be witnesses. I ran into my old RA and spent some time talking to him while Ben stared creepily across the bar without coming over like a normal person would. He kept asking my friends if he had done something wrong, and he had. I wouldn’t expect my friends to get in the middle of this, so I’m glad they didn’t tell them I was angry that he basically gave me no choice but to kiss him, but what made me mad was that he asked everyone except me. I would hope that if someone had feelings for me they’d see I was upset or acting weird and come up to me and talk. He did not do this. He also waited until I left the bar and at about 2:30 this morning he texted me asking if he did something wrong. I had no choice but to tell him the truth, that I do not have feelings for him the way he has feelings for me and I did it as nicely as possible because he has been nice to me and up until our kiss I had no problems with him except that I did not think of him as more than a friend. Maybe I should have said something sooner, but I also wasn’t leading him on. I purposely didn’t go on a date with him because I knew it would give him the wrong idea, but you also shouldn’t force someone to kiss you, especially if they’re giving no indication that they want to kiss you. Anyways, after I sent this nicely worded let down text, I got no answer. Today when I woke up I had no answer. As I sit here, I still have no answer. I mean I guess I wouldn’t have much to say if someone as great as me broke my heart (ha! I’m kidding) but it would be nice of him to respond saying okay I understand thank you for telling me the truth. The point to the story: ladies always tell the truth right away if you don’t like someone, and men, don’t force girls to kiss you and then stare at them at the bar while they talk to their friends.

Misc

What’s most important

Something happened last week with a friend of mine, and I can’t go into details about it but it has me thinking. Sometimes I don’t stop and think about what’s important in my life and how lucky I am to have the people I have and the love and support they provide me. My friend is going through a really hard time right now and it just made me thankful for her and all of my other friends I have made here at school and my best friends at home who I love so so much. The reality that everyone has their own struggles and battles they fight every day hit me hard in the last few days and I am just trying to take time to stop and think about all of the things that I have to live for and all of the people that are here to support me and love me no matter what steps or missteps I take in life. I challenge everyone to do the same over the next few days and I hope it’ll really put things into perspective for you like it did for me. Remember…. you’re beautiful and this life is beautiful. XOXO.